design a life you love
On this day of Thanksgiving I am keeping in mind that there is more to being grateful than simply voicing appreciation for the good in one’s life. It is what we in turn do with that good and how we share it with others that is the true mark of thankfulness.
I hope those of you in the United States enjoy a wonderful day celebrating with family and friends…don’t eat too much turkey! For those of you elsewhere in the world, Happy Thursday!
I did not visit New York City for many years following September 11, so I did not experience the great depths of sadness and unity that permeated the city following the attacks. My earliest first hand encounter with a physical representation of 9/11, with pieces of the Towers in fact, occurred in Caen, France, a city in Normandy located about three hours west of Paris. In 2004 when I visited Le Memorial de Caen, a fantastically curated museum primarily dedicated to sharing an in-depth day-to-day look at World War II, I took a few moments away from the main exhibit to wander the grounds on an overcast and cool summer afternoon. There in the gardens, tucked away from the main path, was a simple yet poignant memorial that the museum had put together to honor those who lost their lives on 9/11. I was completely unprepared to stumble upon it and was moved to tears to see that the event that continued to have such a massive impact on the country of my birth had not been forgotten by the people of France.
France, Paris specifically, was the first place I ever truly felt at home. It still is. Something about the proper yet bohemian cultural undercurrents speaks to my soul and makes me feel understood, safe and happy. I am returning to Paris with my husband in a little over a month on the last stop of our honeymoon. I know that the Paris I find will be a very different Paris than the one that I remember. Those of us who lived through September 11 know that an event like the one that occurred last Friday shakes you to your core and that you never see the world quite the same way. It does not mean that you become fearful, it does not mean that you don’t continue to live. Rather you grasp hold of every beautiful moment and every loved one in your life a bit harder because you have learned that none of it should be taken for granted.
The citizens of Paris will continue uniting and rising as they so beautifully have always done following tragedy. I am humbled to be visiting my second home so soon after these atrocities and know that the city needs to be treated with more love and sensitivity than ever before. That is how each and every one of us need to be treated – with respect, compassion and support.
As we enter into this holiday season our hearts weigh heavy and reminders of the fleeting nature of life are fresh on our minds. But let us not focus our energy on catastrophes occurring around us; let us not focus in fear on a small minority who wish to bring harm to others. Instead, let us focus on working to love and understand one another on a massive, global scale. It sounds like an insurmountable task, but it really starts with just one person. Mend those broken family bridges, volunteer and gain exposure to individuals you might never cross paths with otherwise, share something you are passionate about with others. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing; if you’re spreading love and hope you are doing good. After all, love is the only thing that can effectively combat hate. Love is the only thing that can heal us all.
A note: In the past week I have seen many individuals raise the very valid point that the tragedy in Paris is just one of many atrocities that has occurred and continues to occur in our world. I in no way wish to minimize the horrors and suffering that have taken and continue to take place elsewhere. I chose to focus solely on Paris because of the deep personal connection I have with the city.
I had another post planned for today but am going to share something a little more personal instead in hopes that maybe someone out there can relate to it. I have a confession. I can be really, really hard on myself. Most of the time I expect complete and utter perfection in everything I do and anything short of that tends to leave me anxious and distressed. Suffice it to say that if I treated others in my life the way I treat myself, I would undoubtedly be living a very lonely life.
I have been this way for as long as I can remember and am trying to be mindful of not nitpicking every single thing I see as “wrong” or as “failure” but have not been doing a great job at it lately. When I am stressed out (there has been a lot of that lately) or in an uncomfortable position (there have also been a lot of those…) I turn those feelings inwards on myself as a way to feel some sense of control. I may not be able to control external aspects of my life, but I can surely control every single thing about myself, right? Wrong.
While self-awareness is an excellent quality to possess on some levels, when taken to this next level it becomes destructive. You can be left feeling paralyzed in a reality where all you see is what you’re doing wrong. You run through and over-analyze past “mistakes” in your head to the point where you’re practically reliving and re-experiencing the situations, often times traumatizing yourself all over again. What good does this do you? None at all. You’re stuck running in circles, unable to move forward and enact the changes in your life that you so desperately want to.
I’ve learned from being with my fiance who is both incredibly self-aware and also very kind to himself that unless you have experienced these feelings firsthand you really can’t relate. You just continually question why and how somebody would make life more challenging for themselves. I wish I had the right words to explain it, but it seems like it is simply the way some of us are wired from the start. That is not to say that we can’t re-wire ourselves to function differently. We can learn from those in our lives who, like my fiance, find this behavior a completely foreign waste of energy.
I’m not entirely sure why I’m putting this out there because I’m not a big sharer when it comes to more personal and internal things. I’m guessing I will likely delete this post in the very near future. But today, and maybe just for today, I feel the need to share because the truth is, I want to be held accountable by someone other than myself to changing this behavioral pattern. I don’t like what I’m doing to myself more and more each day and I especially don’t like the impact that it has on those around me. I haven’t fully lived and embraced so many amazing, monumental moments in the past, particularly in the last four months, and the thought that I could continue on like that deeply saddens me.
I’m getting married in two and a half months to the most amazingly perfect-for-me man I could ever dream up and I want to be able to be completely enveloped in that moment. This life I have somehow created despite all my self-destructive tendencies is basically, down to every detail, exactly what I always dreamed of having but never believed I would. That is something to celebrate and enjoy. Every. Single. Day. So maybe, just maybe, knowing that even one person out there is reading this (other than my mom, hi mom) will help me get out of my head and make the changes I need to make in order to truly embrace life and more fully express gratitude for all my blessings.
This beautiful reminder may be found here.
Oh life, you fickle, fickle wench. Because you truly have been a wench lately and have necessitated not one, but TWO posts titled “When Things Don’t Go As Planned” in the past two weeks. Yet complaining about the unexpected challenges presented in the last fourteen days isn’t a good use of time or energy. Instead of focusing on the fact that an eviction notice landed on our doorstep last night (ha, surprise!) and that we are currently competing with another resident for the apartment we are now trying to move into, I’m pouring my attention into the joy that moving into a brand new apartment in just sixty days time will bring. No more gross, stained carpet! No more mismatched kitchen cabinets and run down appliances that have to be swapped out at least once a year! Granite, stainless steel and hardwoods, oh my! A balcony that I can put a little cafe table on and grow herbs on! Fresh air! Okay, just talking about these things is making me SO EXCITED and hey, we don’t even have to leave the building! We are literally moving directly across the hall into a completely renovated apartment so the building can then move on to renovating ours.
But…there is always a but…this but comes in the form of a massive rent increase that is going to take some very, very creative budgeting and at least one side job between my fiance and I to cover. This but also comes in the form of having to move just two weeks before our wedding. Remember when I said just yesterday that I needed to work on managing stress better? This will be quite the test.
Life, I recognize your challenge and I accept your challenge! And now for some positivity and inspiration because goodness knows I’m going to need it in the next sixty days.
I had a different post in the making for today, a pretty and gratuitous decor post, but I’m feeling a little too steamrolled at the moment to continue on as planned. This blog is supposed to be about forward momentum and positivity, solutions rather than problems, but I have to admit that I’ve temporarily lost sight of that. Instead of ignoring this fact…ignoring that I’m overwhelmed by still-failing health, by an increase in monthly expenses, by trying to scrape by each month while still planning for the future, by the fact that I live in a city and culture where more, more, MORE is what is generally desired…I’m going to acknowledge how I feel, acknowledge that I won’t feel this way forever and acknowledge that I need to focus on my general attitude at the moment because negativity breeds negativity. And who wants more negativity?!
So today I’m going to share quotes that are helping me get my mind in a better place and that are helping me focus on being grateful for all the things I have to be thankful for in my life. My hope is that they can inspire you as well and that maybe, like me, you’ll feel a little less alone by connecting with others out there. Any tips and tricks you might have for snapping out of one of these moods would greatly be appreciated!
xoxo
